When I wander off,
misplace Your radical love,
my heart calls for You
and I fool myself, saying You didn’t
even notice I was gone.
I play with words like “want” & “need.”
Trying to memorize Your motives.
Older sisters say You don’t need us.
I think to myself that You made us
for the cool evening’s walking so
of course You needed us.
But what do I know;
I’m a new disciple & prone to fancy.
I compare You to my earthly parents,
not having any other North star,
& find them sorely lacking,
even though you made them too.
They lack Your grace & humor
not to mention Your endless patience with my antics
& constant questions.
I know disciples who count their time with You in decades;
I want to be as they are – wise, serene,loving to my kind.
I want to be of use, but my newness gives me away.
Please have patience with me, Lord,
I’m caught in Your web & I just now learned to quit the struggle
& let You catch me – catch me down here
trying to be good.