Like a boulder waiting, stern, ancient, alone,
sit my past sins.
Those who think a leopard’s spots never change
I’ve borne the grief of pleasures, the weight of false joy,
just to see how far I could go.
Like a cloud, breathing, quick, alone,
lies my salvation.
I only have to stretch out my
one good hand to grasp eternity’s joys.
How easy, to catch the Father’s hand
as I slingshot around the moon,
knowing He has gathered my angels ’round me.
I whisper, Amen, Abba,
Liquid moonlight watched you drink the brew
Through leaves of the Guardian trees.
You’d pinned hopes to this drink
Prayed it wouldn’t kill you,
Visions & all.
After the retching you lay upon a quilt
Keeping dew from your clothing;
A comforting something to grab hold of
At Machu Picchu,
all the Grandmothers long since dead.
Stomach cleared, you prayed for visions
And one was granted.
Telling me the story later,
You said a Jaguar came to you
not drunk, just you.
He taught you how to fly & other useful things.
Most of which you didn’t remember.
I didn’t believe you about the Jaguar –
Too many people want him & not the rat
or ant or vulture riding on updrafts.
White dogwood petals
long to rejoin their Maker.
A velvet carpet.
Frozen crystals fall
white upon my eyelashes;
cold like Death’s best friend.
Noisy, hot, too uncomfortable.
Pity was, I voiced it.
Probably shouldn’t have, even jokingly.
All it got me was a new bruise.
Icy cold steals breath –
my blood turns chill within me;
winter creeps inward.
I felt my heartbeat the entire time
It almost scared me, until our hands brushed .
I kept my eyes on yours;
not wanting to waste a minute.
The old married pair swim neck to neck,
his colors flamboyant green & purple,
hers dull brown to protect their babies.
I felt aligned with her; no predator
would show interest – a fine disguise.
Her husband though, the fancy man,
swims with no knowledge that his
fine suit might be his undoing.
Perhaps not fair, but Nature knows best &
who are we to protest?
Meanwhile, my heart keeps beating in time
with my desires, just watching the two swim;
so easy being them.
The sun cuts my eyes as I gaze at those hills.
holding the lovely day to come.
Round, full with His gifts:
Care, shelter, all-abiding love.
From there will come my help in times of trouble.
Now, just His colors streaming through the Eastern dawn.
Help will wait another day – this watching is only for joy.
He’s seen me this way before – face alight with His reflection
Hair swept back by a kissing wind,
Those guardian hills stepping up straight & tall
Always talking to me, always reassuring me:
Look, look unto these hills.
I am the beginning – through Him I start
A new journey.
I feel echoes pass through my bones –
Times before of having Him near.
How many days did He save my life?
I am the apple of His eye now; no longer
An orphan, an outcast, a wisp of something
Passing by humanity.
I am his daughter by holy adoption.
Our love is fierce, tender, perfect.
He does for me – I accept what I cannot
Hope to deserve.
Before I was swept down into the sweet water
I thought I knew Him.
I did not.
Even now, wrapped in his wings I see only shadows
But shadows are enough for my yearning heart –
Anything He wants to give me is poured into me and
My heart is full. Amen.
Fear not, for I am with you.
He tells me many times
and yet I fear.
Not having enough,
Patiently, He tells me again:
Fear not, for I am with you.
Then all my defenses come down
Like an imploding building,
The dust of my misery making a cloud
To block out His sun.
I am more than He bargained for –
The gray child, neither flesh nor spirit.
Yet He loves me and will not leave me.
Fear not, He says again and again.
Perhaps when I am gone from this place
Into His heaven, I will not fear.
Perhaps when paradise surrounds me
with beautiful oases I can rest and release my fear,
for He is with me always.